Wicked Stepmom? Don't Think So

What is it about the title of Stepmom that suddenly conjures up a negative persona?

I am both a stepmom and a bio-mom.  I treat both of my children the same and try to stay equally involved in their education and extracurricular activities.  I do this so that both of my children know that they are equals.  They are loved equally.

I am not treated equally, however.  As a matter of fact, it is frowned upon that I am involved in my stepchild's activities.  Being a room parent or taking an interest in sports is discouraged more and more.

Why?  Because I am not the biological parent.  I am "only the stepparent".  The school office states that stepparents can only pick up and drop off the child.  So stepparents are the equivalent of a stranger driving a car service.  Nice.

And as a stepmom, it is automatically assumed that there is a great deal of conflict between me and the biological mother.  I don't recall being asked about this.   My presence is a "threat" that there will be a situation in which the school may be "put in the middle".

At first, I was offended.  I have never done this.  My goal was to be there for the child.  But alas, it seems like the child's welfare has been completely disregarded.  Instead, I am asked why I am not there as much and I am not quite sure how to respond.

People treat stepparents differently as well.  There are some people at various activites that start off being very nice but then once I slip and call myself a stepmom, I get a look and they walk away and never speak again.  There is nothing terrible said.  A simple statement.  "Oh that's my stepchild over there."   A statement of pride pointing out one of my children.

Stepparents are parents too.  They care for the children just as the biological parents do.  The old argument of "You are not the biological parent so you can't care for the child like the biological parent.  You don't have the same bond." is a ridiculous and daft one.  Would that argument be made to a foster parent or an adoptive parent?  No.  They are praised (as should any parent).  So why is it said to stepparents?

Speaking for myself, when my stepchild is in my home, I make sure that teeth are brushed, meals are served, laughs are shared and hugs are given frequently.  There is nothing "wicked" about my actions.

Exactly what is it that is so wicked about being a stepmom or a stepparent?  A person falls in love with someone who has a child or children.  The couple marries and the new person takes on the responsibility of taking care of the child or children.  The new person treats the child or children like one of their own.  Where is the evil in that?